Upon movie theatres declaring bankruptcy, I would experience immense schadenfreude. I can’t fathom why anyone enjoys this 20th century social charade.
“The cinema: where money is burned, calories are gained, germs are spread, time is prolonged, sex scenes are awkward, and kids spill drinks on people.”
At Cineplex, a basic movie ticket used to cost $15-18. Costco made movies at Landmark Cinemas cheaper with a $30 2-ticket, popcorn, and drink bundle. But, I boycotted both chains when in June 2022, Cineplex introduced a $1.50 online booking fee and Landmark did the same more than a year later.
Both gave no reasonable explanation for price gouging us. I could use $20 for a month of Netflix, or renting 4-5 movies, or owning 2 movies, or having 2 shawarma wraps (I love shawarma). $20 doesn’t cover concession which costs 3 to 4 times the snacks from a dollar store. $20 is abhorrent because in the early 1900s, American theatres used to charge 5 cents for admission, equal to ~$1.50 in 2025. That’s why we called them “Nickelodeons.”
Assume I don’t care about ticket price; I still can’t comprehend sitting in one of these communal dungeons of loud volume and germs. Somehow, the cinema is willing to shatter my eardrums so I can experience the film “the way it was intended,”[^1] and yet, I can’t hear most dialogue because the mixing is atrocious. Subtitle showtimes are rare, so I’ll have to inaudibly listen as my skull vibrates and I ponder the cleanliness of my seat.
Also, I’m stuck in a dark room—sometimes for three hours! No more intermissions which means no bathroom breaks, no soda refills, and no walking around or stretching. I have to sit with my bladder about to explode to partly enjoy this critical plot point I paid lots to see.
“But Raheel, you’re an exception because you don’t have any friends to watch with.”
First off: how dare you? Second: even if I did have friends, I would still not go to a cinema because most movies are available online for free.