The 2016 MacBook Pro is one of the most abysmal abominations known to personal computing; its reveal trailer is an ironic comparison of Apple's blunders and successes.
The first eye-catching notebook we see is the iBook G3, with its iconic translucent tinted exterior and friendly, almost childish clamshell design.
The next notebook: the original 2006 MacBook, I used in Grade 4 (2014)! For perspective, the next computer, the MacBook Air, was released in 2008.
MacBook Air: the notebook that could fit in a post office envelope and my first computer. The 11-inch model had a tiny ass screen, but it was supported, sold, and updated for an unprecedented period in personal computing. If you bought that laptop in 2010 and sold it in 2017, the only noticeable downside would be battery degradation.
My parents owned the next computer: the 2012 MacBook Pro. My sister dropped it on our icy driveway, and they replaced it with a 2016 MacBook Pro.
The next computer is the one Apple wants you to forget: the 12-inch MacBook. Its sleek chassis couldn't compensate for its CPU, thermal, and SSD problems, leading to its discontinuation.
Finally, the worst failure of them all: the 2016 MacBook Pro. After my parents bought it, I decided to give the touch bar a try. Pock and BetterTouchTool were apps to enhance the touch bar, but no matter what I did, it was unusable! A brightness slider; seriously? A volume slider? An escape button that isn't real, so you can't quit an app when your computer freezes? SLIDERS!?
The MacBook Pro was doomed by the Touch Bar gimmick and the dusty, frozen keycap problems with the new Butterfly keyboard. But instead of killing it, Apple is still selling it to this day! Such chutzpah!
Three generations of butterfly keyboards later, Apple admitted defeat and reverted to the scissor mechanism. The touch bar was not included in the 2021 MacBook Pros; to this day, creatives/artists, developers, and makers dispute the usefulness of the touch bar. It was a humiliating misstep for Apple and aged its ad poorly.
The Can You Sell the MacBook Pro Challenge
When I worked at Apple reseller Jump Plus, we had an internal challenge for someone to sell the M1 version of the 13-inch MacBook Pro to a knowledgeable customer:
"It's more powerful than the MacBook Air!"
No, it has the same chip.
"It can do more than the MacBook Air at the same time!"
Nope, same RAM.
"It's got the touch bar!"
That's a con, not a pro. At least the escape key is physical on this updated model.
"It has a slimmer keyboard!"
Slimmer means less dust-resistant and more prone to sticky keys?
"It will last longer?"
Well, it's heavier, so I'm more likely to drop it.
"Think of the resale value."
I'll use Windows now, thanks.
"So you're telling me this computer shouldn't exist and is a disgrace to humanity?"
Now you're getting it.
This is how each of my colleagues tried to sell me the MacBook Pro. Apple shows the origins of their laptops, only to finish with the shitty MacBook 12" and the even worse MacBook Pro 13". Those were the dark days, and I'm glad we're out of them.