Dangerous Musings

[C, 2025-01-17] God Condemnes Me For Eating Bacon

I like bacon, so much so that I'll be tortured in an eternal pit of fire for it. At least according to the divine revelation I received via fax this morning (God is old, it’ll take him a while before he gets to pagers).

Dear Raheel,

I'll condemn you to eternal torment if you eat anymore pig you swine. I love you my sweet child, but I'll be seeing you soon at this rate.

Sincerely,

God

Unfortunately, there was no returning number where I could send him the middle finger. I pray he sees this message, but he only answers my prayers 50% of the time, so I won’t get my hopes up.

At least he looked away when I was furiously masturbating to Adam Sandler ASMR. Oh shit, I’m getting another fax.

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